Gotta Cut Down

I'm in a really bad breastfeeding cycle. The DD is over a year now and I have been taking her to my bed to nurse her almost every night when she wakes up (which is usually within about five minutes after I've finally put my head down on my pillow for the night). I am too tired to sit there and soothe her in her crib, and yet I really don't like nursing for six hours straight, which is what often happens once she ends up in my bed. There are times when I'll soothe her back to sleep without taking her out of the crib or else sometimes I'll entice her with a bottle (please don't let her teeth turn black, please don't let her teeth turn black... well, she's only got two right now anyway). And sometimes I actually pull her out, nurse her, and then stick her back in the crib but none of those methods are very rewarding because she'll usually just wake up again in a matter of minutes and demand more attention -- i.e. me getting out of bed once more. Between constant up and downs or just being sucked on all night, I choose the latter. She's not so into the pacifier anymore, so it's hard to just replace my real live breast for a synthetic one like I used to.

There are a couple of plausible solutions to this problem. The first, which I implement on weekends or vacation days, is to send DH in there. He 'aint got no milk to give her and therefore he can get her back to sleep without tempting her with a breast. Sometimes this backfires, though, and I can hear her screaming becoming louder and more desperate until finally he brings her back to sleep with me.

Plan number two is simply to implement sleep training. I don't know if either of us has the resolve to do this on any sort of regular basis, though we all know it's potentially a small sacrifice for a big reward.

Solution number three is just to start weaning. It may be time. She doesn't seem interested, but I guess she's not the only one making the decision about it. I'll keep all of my faithful readers posted.

Formula One

I havent' been giving her a lot of formula at all since she was born. It was mostly once a week in the beginning when I was working. Now that she's eating she just gets fed solids when I'm gone. (she's eating real solids now-- chicken! She loves it. Even though she still has no teeth.)
The thing is that she doesn't sleep really well. That is, unless she's in bed with me. She can usually make it on her own up to about midnight or one a.m. but then she wants to cuddle and nuzzle. We are not good at keeping her in her bed because we don't want her to wake up the other people in the house, especially her big brother. That's just our logistical situation right now. So she ends up with me for at least part of every night. I can't even get her to nap without nursing her or driving her around and even that doesn't necessarily work anymore.
There was one occasion when I put her in her crib with a bottle of formula-- I don't remember why -- and when I checked back on her she'd fallen asleep with her pacifier in her mouth. There happened to be one next to her. I tried that today, hoping to get the same result but it was a no-go. She's still awake but at least she's playing independently behind me. I might try to train her to go to sleep with a bottle, though. It would save me a lot of time lying down with her and trying to get her to sleep that way.
I'm not crazy about the idea of formula. I'm not crazy about feeding her straight chemicals out of a can. But I know I fed DS formula once a day starting around this age-- or maybe a little later. It was a supplement to give me a break and to make sure he was rounding up his nutrients now that he'd begun a more solid routine of solids.

Spit and Suck

When she gets upset in the middle of the night and I bring her to my bed, she often comes still bearing her pacifier in her mouth. I used to have to remove it for her before I could introduce the breast, but lately she just spits it out and waits, open mouthed for her dinner-- or midnight snack, as it were.

I invested (heavily-- those things are pricey) in some all natural rubber pacifiers. She's has never been picky about the shape or size or texture of soother I give her and she took to these well. The only problem is that they are a translucent honey colour, which makes them almost impossible to find when dropped on virtually any surface. The other day we were at the planetarium and she was complaining while the lights were still on before the show started. So I let her start nursing. In the meantime, I dropped this pacifier just as the night sky began appearing overhead. I wanted to keep her satiated so as not to disturb the presentation so I had to hunt all over the ground for the thning-- several times. The show was about half an hour long and I must have spent at least three-quarters of the time feeling around for it.

Milk From Another Mother - Reflections on Wet Nursing

I nursed another baby today. I never thought I would do that. My sister-in-law left for her sister's wedding in New York. The original plan was to take the baby -- a two-month old (or three? Three.) with her but for various reasons she ended up leaving her behind. She'd had bottles before; many times, in fact. She also regularly takes a pacifier. But for some reason, she was refusing to take it this morning, and that's when I walked in the door. I found the ladies of the house fretting and fussing and the baby howling and covered in formula. I tried my hand at feeding her with the bottle but to no avail. The kids wouldn't suck. So I did what I guess is instinctive. I lifted up my shirt. And the house fell silent. She ate. And ate. She must have been hungry. My own baby was sleeping in her bassinet, and anyway she's old enough for solids. So when she woke up it was solids for her. Powdered barley cereal followed by an avocado.

I didn't really like nursing another child. It has nothing to do with this particular kid. I'm just attached, I guess you could say, to my own suckling. It wasn't a nice feeling for me during or after. I realize I'm doing a nice thing and actually it would have been kind of cruel of me to refuse but I don't have to like it. I feel bad for the kid. Part of nursing is about bonding and being held and feeling close and warm. I do like the kid. After all, she's my niece and she's a pretty cute kid-- what's not to like? She smiles. She smiles at me. She's nice. But she's not mine and I was rather uncomfortable nursing her and so I felt bad that the baby should be nursed by someone whose heart was not completely into it. I also am very possessive, even about my breast milk and I was silently apologizing to DD in my head for sharing it.

I was still there when my niece woke up a few hours later. Ioffered to go out and get another formula for her to try out. Maybe that was the problem. I suggested that we try feeing her while she was still calm and before she got really hungry and frantic. Neither of these plans worked. As soon as we put the bottle to her, she opened up her mouth and howled. She refused the bottle in any way shape or form and so I fed her again. My baby had formula.

Later on in the evening my niece was looking at me from her baby chair. Flirting, my mother in law called it. Seducing me.

When by brother-in-law came home he managed to give her a bottle, thankfully. Apparently she's used to taking it from him.

We're home now and my mother in law just called to so say that DH forgot his cell phone there and, by the way, the baby was howling....

My baby is now asleep. Probably not for the night. But what choice do I have? I'm going to have to go back and feed the other.

Nipple Confusion? I'm Confused!

They say that there is such a thing as nipple confusion-- that the baby learns to suck on something other than the nipple such as a pacifier or a bottle which makes it difficult for them to return to the breast. Well, with my baby I think the case is more that she actually prefers to suck on the pacifier over my warm, milky breasts! Sometimes she gets so frustrated with my non-mobile appendages that she starts flailing around until I give her the pacifier. Then she settles down and falls asleep suck suck sucking peacefully.
Am I insulted? Well, I am a little bit hurt, yes. DS would be content to just nurse all the time. The pacifier was only a toy. But she loves the thing so much that she has already learned to put in in her mouth by herself! At six months!