Milk From Another Mother - Reflections on Wet Nursing

I nursed another baby today. I never thought I would do that. My sister-in-law left for her sister's wedding in New York. The original plan was to take the baby -- a two-month old (or three? Three.) with her but for various reasons she ended up leaving her behind. She'd had bottles before; many times, in fact. She also regularly takes a pacifier. But for some reason, she was refusing to take it this morning, and that's when I walked in the door. I found the ladies of the house fretting and fussing and the baby howling and covered in formula. I tried my hand at feeding her with the bottle but to no avail. The kids wouldn't suck. So I did what I guess is instinctive. I lifted up my shirt. And the house fell silent. She ate. And ate. She must have been hungry. My own baby was sleeping in her bassinet, and anyway she's old enough for solids. So when she woke up it was solids for her. Powdered barley cereal followed by an avocado.

I didn't really like nursing another child. It has nothing to do with this particular kid. I'm just attached, I guess you could say, to my own suckling. It wasn't a nice feeling for me during or after. I realize I'm doing a nice thing and actually it would have been kind of cruel of me to refuse but I don't have to like it. I feel bad for the kid. Part of nursing is about bonding and being held and feeling close and warm. I do like the kid. After all, she's my niece and she's a pretty cute kid-- what's not to like? She smiles. She smiles at me. She's nice. But she's not mine and I was rather uncomfortable nursing her and so I felt bad that the baby should be nursed by someone whose heart was not completely into it. I also am very possessive, even about my breast milk and I was silently apologizing to DD in my head for sharing it.

I was still there when my niece woke up a few hours later. Ioffered to go out and get another formula for her to try out. Maybe that was the problem. I suggested that we try feeing her while she was still calm and before she got really hungry and frantic. Neither of these plans worked. As soon as we put the bottle to her, she opened up her mouth and howled. She refused the bottle in any way shape or form and so I fed her again. My baby had formula.

Later on in the evening my niece was looking at me from her baby chair. Flirting, my mother in law called it. Seducing me.

When by brother-in-law came home he managed to give her a bottle, thankfully. Apparently she's used to taking it from him.

We're home now and my mother in law just called to so say that DH forgot his cell phone there and, by the way, the baby was howling....

My baby is now asleep. Probably not for the night. But what choice do I have? I'm going to have to go back and feed the other.

Nipple Confusion? I'm Confused!

They say that there is such a thing as nipple confusion-- that the baby learns to suck on something other than the nipple such as a pacifier or a bottle which makes it difficult for them to return to the breast. Well, with my baby I think the case is more that she actually prefers to suck on the pacifier over my warm, milky breasts! Sometimes she gets so frustrated with my non-mobile appendages that she starts flailing around until I give her the pacifier. Then she settles down and falls asleep suck suck sucking peacefully.
Am I insulted? Well, I am a little bit hurt, yes. DS would be content to just nurse all the time. The pacifier was only a toy. But she loves the thing so much that she has already learned to put in in her mouth by herself! At six months!

Moving On To Solids II

'Solids' is a scary word when you're breastfeeding. Whether or not you like breastfeeding, there are some things about it that are beneficial. Of course there's the health aspect-- baby gets the right mix of nutrients with a healthy dose of antibodies. There's the sterility of it-- no boiling bottles all the time, unless, of course, if you're pumping. There's also the sweet-smelling poops-- am I the only one who likes the smell of my kids' poops? I'm talking strictly when they're breastfeeding, not once they start to take solids and then it just smells and looks like poop. Until that time, it smells like caramel or buttered popcorn. I guess it's also mind over matter. I say the word 'poop' and you're not exactly picturing the movie theatre... I hope. Of course, then there's also the benefit, though of course there's no guarantee, of natural birth control. At the very least, it puts off your period for a little while.

Often, as the mother, you're the only one who can soothe and settle your child, can make them fall asleep.

Breastfeeding is also a big way of bonding with your child. She looks at you and wraps her whole little hand around your finger or plays with your hair or your face. You're close. You know that you're made of the same stuff. When she's hungry, you feel it. It causes you to seek quiet spaces with her aone. Most of these are things that bottle and solid feeding doesn't provide.

It's not impossible to imagine that starting solids can be a somewhat scary experience. You may feel as though it will put distance in between you and your child. Well, I think that in fact it will change your relationship in that all of a sudden you are freer, whether you like it or not.

Personally, the anticipation of introducing solids was much worse for me than the actual introduction of it the first time around. For one thing, it's really, really gradual. They're not eating solids on any regular basis for at least a couple of months. They still need to nurse. And for the most part, they still want to. I didn't completely wean him for another 8 months after that, and then it was only because I was pregnant and it was just too much demand on my body. (So much for birth control, I guess.)

This time around, I am still a little anxious about it but overall much more relaxed and looking forward to being able to leave her with other people for longer periods of time.